“You’re a good mom.”
My eyes filled with tears, I didn’t know how much I needed to hear that.
We sat at a round table at the end of an event I had been a keynote speaker for and went through an exercise where we highlighted each other's strengths.
I sat receiving praise from other incredible leaders, and as we came to a close one of the women said that to me.
Oftentimes we are aware that our children contribute deeply to the WHY behind our work, but with more women rising in leadership, stepping up as founders and paving the way… the feeling of not being enough for our children is playing in the back of our minds.
How do we actually become great leaders and present mothers? Is it even possible to do both? Does balance really exist?
The Balancing Act of Being Mom & Leader
When you take the leap of starting a company or stepping into a leadership position, it is overwhelmingly positive.
You get to fill a gap, create a change, and make a true mark on this world.
For most women their businesses are the vessel in which their legacies are created.
The issue they run into is that because their passion runs so deep, it becomes a one track path to burn out.
When you are with your children, you think about your work.
When you are working, you feel guilty about working too much.
But you know that you want to make a difference and so doing things differently feels impossible.
So you squeeze in as much as you can in the hours that you have, sacrificing your sleep (and your sanity) for your mission inside and outside your home.
In the mornings you are reaching for your phone with the idea that you can get things done and “get ahead” for the day, never wanting to miss out on an opportunity.
You desire so deeply to raise the next generation of leaders in your home and break all the cycles from the generations of trauma before us, and you know that you want to spend more time with your family being truly present… but it seems impossible because there is always more to do.
You want to step away, turn off, and be able to tune in to the people you love having the energy to hold space for them.
It’s just not there, because you are devoted to making your mark on the world.
Your fatigue and insomnia have become a part of life that you’ve normalized, laying in bed thinking about putting out fires, things you can do differently, and holding onto a vision of expansion.
The idea of self-care sits in the back of your brain, knowing you need a break, knowing you need to move your body, knowing you need to spend time with friends and explore hobbies…
But there’s no time.
Time Isn’t The Problem
One of the most powerful shifts my clients make is getting back into the driver’s seat of their lives, they don’t even realize that by committing to so many responsibilities they have also let those responsibilities dictate how they feel, live and work.
You think that there is no balance and that mothering takes away from business and business takes away from mothering because you don’t have enough time to be who you really want to be in either area.
Truthfully, you aren’t being intentional with your time and you don’t have boundaries that align with your personal values.
You’ve simply forgotten that you control how, where and when you spend your time and energy.
The problem isn’t that there isn’t enough time to do and be all you want to be, the problem is that you are letting fear sit in the driver's seat of your life.
Fear of losing an opportunity.
Fear of upsetting someone.
Fear of never being enough.
Fear of not getting where you want to go.
Fear of failing.
When you take back control of your calendar, you take your power back, and you get your life back.
Create Your Balance
Instead of continuing to perpetuate old narratives of what working looks like, write something new.
Instead of creating your schedule and how you spend your time based on everyone else's needs, start with your own.
Build out an ideal schedule that gives you hours to work, hours to be with your family, and hours for alone or social time.
YOU build it, and then you build AROUND it.
How many hours do you want to work, how many days a week?
What do you want your days and weeks to look like?
What are non-negotiables for your mental health?
How can you incorporate a block for movement and make sure you are getting a break away from your desk for lunch?
Before you can find your version of balance, you first need to get clear on what you need and want.
Once you are clear on how you want your days to look and feel, you build an actual structure to support it.
And you ask for all the help you need to maintain it.
You’re a good mom, and because you’re a good mom you care about being able to do both.
It’s not an easy road but I promise you it’s possible to run a 7+ figure company without sacrificing yourself and your relationships, my clients are doing it.