Stop People-Pleasing: How Direct Communication Builds Stronger Teams
- Kelsea Koenreich
- Jul 30
- 5 min read
Let’s start here:
We’ve all been there. You say what you need, you set a boundary, you deliver feedback—and then suddenly, the energy shifts.
You’re too much. Too direct. Too assertive.
You’re “intimidating.” “Bossy.” “Bitchy.”
Or worse—you're second-guessing yourself before you even speak.
But here’s the truth that no one says out loud loud enough:
Being assertive doesn’t make you difficult. It makes you clear. And clarity is one of the greatest gifts you can give your team, your clients, and yourself.
The Door That Assertiveness Opens
Think of assertiveness like handing someone a beautifully wrapped instruction manual.
When you say, “I need this by Friday at 3pm, in this format, and here’s why,”you are giving them the keys to succeed with you.
You're not just barking orders. You're painting a picture. You’re laying out the map.You’re saying:
“Here’s how I work. Here’s how I lead. Here’s how we win together.”
And when you withhold that clarity, guess what? You’re not being “nicer” or “easier” to work with—you’re being murkier, harder to navigate, and more prone to resentment.
Clarity is kind. Ambiguity is not.
Why So Many Women Struggle With Being Assertive
Let’s pull this back a bit and zoom out.
Most women, especially high-achieving, impact-driven moms and CEOs like you, were not raised to be assertive. You were raised to be:
accommodating,
agreeable,
polite,
low-maintenance.
So when you step into leadership, especially in male-dominated or high-stakes spaces, you find yourself doing emotional gymnastics just to communicate a basic need.
You soften your tone.
You over-explain your reasoning.
You sandwich your feedback with compliments.
You use more exclamation points in your emails than necessary.
And then—despite all of that effort—you’re still misunderstood.
The truth?
Assertiveness doesn’t mean aggression.
Clarity doesn’t mean cruelty.
Boundaries don’t mean bitchiness.
And yet, so many of us walk around trying to bend ourselves into unrecognizable shapes to be “liked” while quietly burning out in the process.
The Cost of Avoiding Directness
Here’s what happens when you avoid direct communication:
Your team misses expectations, and you're left cleaning up.
You silently carry the mental load of everyone’s tasks because it feels easier than asking again.
You grow resentful—but you tell yourself you're just being “a good leader.”
You lose hours rewriting Slack messages, emails, and voicemails trying to “get it right.”
You become a full-time editor of your own voice.
But leadership isn’t about editing yourself—it’s about anchoring into who you are, and expecting others to rise to meet your clarity.
Being Clear Is a Leadership Skill—Not a Personality Trait
Let’s go deeper.
Assertiveness isn’t a character flaw or a personality quirk.
It’s a practiced leadership skill that sets high-performing CEOs apart.
And when you build a business that runs on clarity, three things happen:
Your team knows how to win with you.They’re not guessing, they’re not walking on eggshells, and they’re not paralyzed by uncertainty. They know what “done well” looks like.
Your energy is protected.No more chasing down deliverables or fixing sloppy work. Your clear communication up front prevents back-end chaos.
You model empowered communication.You’re not just managing people—you’re leading them. And that starts with showing them how to speak up, take ownership, and communicate like a CEO.
When You Speak Clearly, You Lead Powerfully
Let me give you a metaphor.
Imagine your team or client is standing at the edge of a dense forest. They want to help. They want to support you. They want to succeed.
But they can’t see the trail.
Now, you—on the other side—know the way.
You’ve walked the path. You have the map.
But instead of handing them a compass, you give them vague directions like:
“Just use your best judgment.”
“You should know this by now.”
“I don’t want to micromanage.”
“Can you try to be more proactive?”
It’s no wonder they get lost.
You can’t expect people to meet expectations they don’t understand.
Being assertive is handing them the compass.
It’s saying, “Here’s how to find me. Here’s how we win.”
Scripts for Clear, Direct Communication
Let’s make this tactical. Here are a few examples of what clear, assertive communication actually sounds like:
“I need this project delivered by Thursday at noon. Please send it in PDF format so I can review it easily.”
“When you check in on Slack, include what you’re working on and what’s complete so I don’t have to ask.”
“I prefer direct updates—even if the progress is slow—so I can support you properly.”
“This didn’t meet the standard I was expecting. Let’s go over how we can align better next time.”
None of those are rude. None are unkind.
They are clear, grounded, and effective.
The Real Reason This Feels Hard
It’s not about wording.
It’s not about delivery.
It’s about worthiness.
Because deep down, if you don’t believe you’re allowed to take up space…
If you think your needs are “too much”…
If you’re afraid that leading clearly will make people like you less…
Then your communication will always be clouded by guilt.
Assertiveness isn’t about getting your way—it’s about honoring your role.
It’s about stewarding your vision well. And no one else can do that for you.
A Mirror for You, Too
Here’s the part no one talks about:
If you avoid clarity with others, you probably avoid it with yourself too.
You tell yourself you’ll get to that restructure “soon.”
You say you’ll revisit your business model “after summer.”
You hold off on hiring or raising prices because you don’t want to “rock the boat.”
But vagueness breeds stagnation.
And just like your team needs clear direction from you—you need to give that to yourself.
Being assertive isn’t just about how you lead others.
It’s about how you lead yourself through discomfort, hard decisions, and necessary changes.
What Assertiveness Looks Like in Action
When my clients begin this work with me, they often start by saying:
“I don’t want to sound harsh.”
“What if they think I’m being rude?”
“I don’t want to micromanage.”
But what they end up realizing is this:
Assertiveness is what gets them out of micromanagement.
Assertiveness is what makes people respect their leadership.
Assertiveness is what helps them build wealth, reclaim time, and grow with less stress.
One client went from juggling 30 hours a week of managing her team to 10 hours, simply by tightening up communication, expectations, and boundaries. Her revenue? Grew. Her team culture? Thrived. Her confidence? Unshakable.
Another realized her fear of being “too much” was keeping her in burnout. Once we rewired her beliefs around assertiveness, she finally raised her prices, set new client boundaries, and—within weeks—doubled her monthly income.
That’s what happens when you stop fearing clarity.
The Transformation Is Internal and External
When you learn to communicate like a CEO, your business shifts.But more than that—you shift.
You start showing up differently in every room.
You stop editing yourself to be more “digestible.”
You build self-trust like a muscle, and it reflects in your:
boundaries,
pricing,
team leadership,
time management,
and overall peace.
You stop leaking energy and start protecting it.
And as a result, you stop living in survival mode—and start operating from power.
Final Word: Assertiveness Is a Form of Leadership Love
It’s not harsh. It’s not cold. It’s not “too much.”
It’s saying: “I believe in you enough to give you the truth.”
It’s saying: “I believe in myself enough to honor my vision.”
And if you're in a season where you need to recalibrate how you lead, communicate, and grow with clarity—you don’t need to do it alone.
This is the work I do with high-performing women every single day.
If you’re craving next-level strategy, support, and self-leadership, I invite you to apply for one of my private coaching containers or join my next VIP Day.
Because your voice isn’t too loud.
Your dreams aren’t too big.
You just need the clarity to bring them to life.
