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Kelsea Koenreich

4 Steps to Break Up with Self-Blame As A High-Achieving Business Owner


Professional woman working

One of the biggest time-wasters as a mom and business owner?


Self-doubt, the feeling of not being enough, and focusing on mistakes. 


That voice in your head picking apart your every decision makes it easy to lose hours (or even days) wrapped up in self-criticism.


How do I know this?


Because I’ve been there myself. I’ve seen firsthand how the cycle of self-doubt can hold us back from reaching our true potential. 


It’s like a bad boyfriend that keeps telling you lies about yourself until you start to believe them…boy BYE.



The truth is, every minute you spend questioning yourself or replaying a mistake is a minute you’re not spending on what actually matters: your goals, your vision, the things that will truly make an impact


Today, I want to share how you can break up with self-blame and redirect it toward building the life and business you envision.


The Cost of The Self-Doubt Spiral


Woman close up

This may or may not surprise you, but most of my clients are high level, high achieving, established, wealthy businesswomen. 


They are also some of the most critical people to themselves.


High-achieving women (especially those of us who juggle business and family) often hold incredibly high standards. 


And while high standards push us to succeed, they can just as easily become our downfall when we let them turn into self-criticism. But, in a lot of cases, our strengths can also be our weaknesses. 


“The things that push us further can also be the things that destroy us internally.”


You might find yourself replaying a single misstep or fixating on a "failed" project (like last month’s retreat not going the way I had planned), withdrawing from visibility, and questioning your own worth. But this habit comes at a cost, because when we shrink ourselves, we lose momentum. 


We get so wrapped up in worrying about the “right” move that we stay stuck, and that keeps us from growing our business and showing up as the best version of ourselves.


Moving From Mistakes to Motivation


I've had conversation after conversation with clients in all industries over the last 12 years. And this is a constant no matter what level, what industry, what revenue you have, how many team members you have. This is something that we all experience just as humans….and certainly as moms.


But dwelling on mistakes is when the real damage happens. 


I often remind my clients that when we focus too much on our mistakes, we’re giving those moments way more power than they deserve. We’re essentially saying, ‘This mistake is more important than any success I’ve had.’ 

And that’s simply not true.


Woman posing in mirror

Mistakes are opportunities for growth. They’re meant to teach us, not to define us. 


If we want to be better in our businesses and be better leaders, we have to learn how to process, feel, and move in a way that is most aligned and in a way that is connected with where we want to go.


You need to be conscious of how much time you're spending in your head and in your thoughts so you can shift the focus to more productive ones that encourage action, rather than retreat. 


But, to do this, you need a process that works.




4 Steps To Stopping Self-Doubt in Its Tracks


  1. Pause and Validate - When you find yourself spiraling into negative self-talk, take a moment to recognize and validate your feelings. 


    It’s natural to feel disappointment or frustration. Don’t rush to dismiss these emotions, but resist the urge to let them snowball into self-criticism.


  1. Challenge the Narrative - Tackle the thoughts that label you as “not enough.” 


    Consider starting with small things, like dropping something on the floor. There’s a huge difference between responses of, “You're such an idiot” and, “I dropped something, because I’m a human and humans drop things.”


    Practice this shift with smaller moments, so that when it comes to bigger ones, such as trying something new in business, instead of thinking or saying, “You're such an idiot”,  you would take this thought and challenge it with something like:


    “You tried something new, it was scary and hard, and you should be very proud of that because most people don't have the courage to try”.


    This shift in mindset turns your internal dialogue from criticism to compassion.


  2. Focus on Compassion and Grace - Dr. Kristin Neff, a leader in self-compassion research, describes how our resistance to pain amplifies suffering. 


    In her words, “suffering equals pain times resistance.” 


    When we fail to acknowledge our emotions or avoid processing them, we create more suffering, allowing it to drain our energy. By treating ourselves with compassion and viewing setbacks as part of our journey, we reduce that suffering—and reclaim our time and energy for what truly matters.


    Imagine how you would comfort a friend or a child facing a similar situation. Offer yourself that same level of compassion and kindness, letting go of harsh judgments.


  3. Move Forward With Support - Mistakes are part of growth. 


    But, sometimes even our own thoughts aren’t enough motivation to help us see the light ahead. That's why accountability matters.


    When you share your struggles and successes with a supportive community, you create a safety net that encourages resilience.  Without it, you risk remaining stuck in a cycle of frustration.


    In The Freedom Collective, we recognize the weight of self-doubt and the tendency to get stuck in our heads. With the addition of our 4-night, private retreat, we create intimate spaces for connection and deep partnership, allowing you to grow and open up in ways you never thought possible.


Bye Bye Self-Blame


The next time you find yourself caught in a toxic relationship with self-criticism, remember that you have a choice. 


By validating your emotions, reframing your thoughts, and extending compassion to yourself, you can break free from this cycle of negativity. This shift won’t just make you feel better; it will help you show up more fully for your business and family, allowing you to lead with confidence and purpose.


If you’re tired of letting self-doubt and second-guessing hold you back, join me in The Freedom Collective. This isn’t just another leave-it-in-the-Voxer chat kind of program –  it’s a supportive community that feels like family. We believe in wholehearted loyalty and fostering a foundation of trust and respect that helps you learn to turn that inward towards yourself. 


And for more tips on growing your business beside your kids, my podcast, The Mom Founders Table, is always a good place to start.



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